THIS IS MY UNITED >>GARY OAK<< STATES OF WHATEVER

[gary]

WIP until further notice

My parents call me... MY NAME IS [/b]

"SHAKE-ZULA, THE MIC-RULA, THE OLD-SCHOOLA" Gary says as he ceremoniously flips his audience the bird.[/font]


My friends call me...MY DEVOTED FANS SCREAM [/font][/b]
"GARY MOTHAFUCKIN' OAK!" he declares, breaking into a rap. [/font]

I'm not an it! I'm a.. I'M OBVIOUSLY A MANLY MAN, BUT JUST HOW MUCH OF A MANLY MAN AM I? [/b]
"I'M BASICALLY A WALKING PENIS." Gary replies proudly. "CHICKS DIG IT."[/font]

I am a... ...I AM A [/b]
"BABE." He is obviously well aware of his aesthetic appeal. [/font]

I don't need wrinkle cream! I'm.. HOW OLD DO YOU NEED TO BE TO BE SO AWESOME? [/b]
"SCHFIFTY-FIVE, BIZNITCH." Gary nods politely. [/font]

Do you think I need a diet? HOW DO I STAY SO SEXY? [/b]
"Well," Gary begins cordially, standing up from his seat. "In order to answer that question accurately and for you to understand it, I'll have to show you just how sexy I am." Gary proceeds to perform a strip tease. [/font]

My emotional disposition? NOW THAT YOU ARE QUITE EDUCATED ON MY GOOD LOOKS, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW CHARMING I CAN BE. [/b]
"YEP." Gary does that. [/font]

Things that are Groovy: SHIT THAT MATTERS: [/b]
CHICKS N BOOZE [/font]

Things that aren't so Groovy: FUCK THIS SHIT: [/b]
ENVIRONMENTAL AWARENESS [/font]

But..I'm afraid! EVEN SEX GODS HAVE FEARS, TOO. [/b]
THE WIND, SLUGS, AND DIARRHEA. Gary does declare. [/font]

I like to... MY LIFE IS A JOYRIDE AND THIS IS WHAT I DO IN IT. [/b]
"PARTAY" Gary wiggles. [/font]

My reason? WHY AM I SO AMAZING AND TALENTED? [/b]
"I WAS BORN THIS WAY, SO I MAY AS WELL USE IT. IT'S A CURSE, BUT I LIVE WITH IT." Gary winks. [/font]

Mandatory Angst: WANNA HEAR MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY? [/b]
"YEAH, I FIGURED I MIGHT AS WELL WRITE ONE, SEEING AS EVERYONE WANTS TO BE ME AND ALL." Gary grins a dastardly grin. [/font]

Oh and by the way... THIS IS WHAT'S UP: [/b]
"ALWAYS KEEP YOUR HO ON A LEASH" Gary drives this point across very seriously. [/font]

I'm just a proxy for.. MY BOTTOM BETCH IS [/b]
"ME, MYSELF, AND I" Gary shrugs. [/font]